black

I watched the sun disappear

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I watched the sun disappear

fade behind a whispering sheet of black

 

the sun had touched my soul

begun to melt the shields that protected it

exhausting from me the strength that held them

 

in the quiet blackness

those shields tried to mend

creating rough layers over what was already there

any transparency fading quickly behind

 

but the rains came quickly

droplets eased through the cracks

and pounding hail quickly followed

the new shields

bro ken

and

b

.  en t

do nothing more than reopen the freshly healed wounds

 

my mind no longer has control

they say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

and as my heart works to repair the damage

my soul knows this is true

 

one day

the sun will come back

its light will cut through the black that I see

its heat will dry the water that has pooled around me

and my shields will retreat only when they know it is safe

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drums of thunder

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drums of thunder

clash with the silence

leaving cracks as they become louder

 

a girl

sitting silently

looks up

beams of flying light

break through the cloud filled night sky

that surrounds her

 

the drums quicken

grow nearer

cracks become holes

 

the girl

sees new worlds

the icy blue of her eyes begin to thaw

as the holes become larger

reds blues and greens

replace the black that had been suffocating her

 

the drums quietly disappear

beams of light replaced by a fiery yellow ball

the black that had filled her life is gone

 

the girl

stands up

knees shaking

threating to buckle

eyes wide

her heart absorbs the many colors

 

and the chance to start again

the world has gone stark

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the world has gone stark

its beauty depleted

what once was has

faded into the wavering ozone above

a green slinky ring weaving

through the now grey sky

marks its place

shades of grey and green

replace the once vibrant palate of color

all individuality

lost

on either side of me

stand similar versions of myself

women with short hair

men with even shorter hair

dark pants and shirts

creased like newspapers straight off the press

we are told what we can do

anything else

don’t even bother

so we stand

facing forward

as eyes continually watch us

I long to remember what I’ve been told to forget

an image passes across my eyes

fades into the distance

an unusually substance arises in my right eye

and rolls smoothly down my cheek

as hard as I try not to

I blink

and suddenly

the crosshairs are aimed on me

the world is now black

look for the stars in the night sky

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look for the stars in the night sky

the balls of fire that seem so tiny

yet can be seen from great distances

 

look for fiery patterns

the big dipper

or its younger brother

 

or see the stars individually

a completely separate existence

shining bright for those below

 

the stars are individuals

they are clusters

together they form patterns

but individually they shine their own light

starkly contrasting the blackness that swirls around them

lighting the way for travelers

those like them

existing both together

and alone

in my dreams

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in my dreams

I am consumed by the black spirals

that rise from the ground

and at first wrap only around my feet

 

I look

down

 

confused

 

I try to reach them with my hand

to make sense of the blackness

but before I know it

 

they twirl and tangle around me

stretching up my body

pinning my arms to my sides

squeezing tighter and tighter

forcing the air from my lungs

 

as soon as the tips stretch past my eyes

blackening what little distorted dream light

was left

I take my last wheezing breath

prepared to be totally consumed

 

when my eyes open

I find myself

laying still

surrounded by the blackest night

unsure of how to differentiate between

dream and reality