I am still there

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I am still there


on the well beaten path

that you are just now discovering

guiding you on your way


holding on to the coattails of the wind

that rushes through the trees

whispering your name


in the stars you gaze upon

in the night sky

lighting your path when the sun cannot


I am the cool grass on a hot day

the ear that listens when you need it most

the love you will always have


though you cannot see me

you can feel me


I am still here

it wasn’t the fall

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it wasn’t the fall

that caused my spine to shiver

a numbness so cold

even the summer sun

no longer radiated its warmth on my skin


the longing ache in the pit of my stomach grew

spread through my limbs

tingling the tips of my fingers

knocked my worn sneakers off the hard clay

and threw me on to the cold ground


the day you left was the end

a flame was extinguished

that can never be rekindled

each day the darkness grows

ink slowly blotting over me


I long for the day the sun rises again

but an unsettling fear grows stronger each day

as I trample through the rubble that has become my life

love has disappeared

and it has taken with it even the stars

the world has gone stark

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the world has gone stark

its beauty depleted

what once was has

faded into the wavering ozone above

a green slinky ring weaving

through the now grey sky

marks its place

shades of grey and green

replace the once vibrant palate of color

all individuality


on either side of me

stand similar versions of myself

women with short hair

men with even shorter hair

dark pants and shirts

creased like newspapers straight off the press

we are told what we can do

anything else

don’t even bother

so we stand

facing forward

as eyes continually watch us

I long to remember what I’ve been told to forget

an image passes across my eyes

fades into the distance

an unusually substance arises in my right eye

and rolls smoothly down my cheek

as hard as I try not to

I blink

and suddenly

the crosshairs are aimed on me

the world is now black

the flicker of light from the fire

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the flicker of light from the fire

converses with the colors of fall

strewn about the frail

crisp surface

a soft glow appears in its center

veins acting as pathways

guiding the light and the yellows and oranges


in some places

the light is blocked by its curves

casting shadows on the colorful surface

next to the fire these spots appear burnt


that at the slightest touch or gust of wind

they will crumble

sprinkle to the ground

becoming nothing more than the particles

that make up the dirt

trampled everyday by those larger than it


the soft glow from the candle

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the soft glow from the candle

casts an eerie sense about the room

flickering every few seconds

fading in and out


of whether it wants to remain lit


I long for it to grow brighter

to consume the walls

melt the ice that has slowly surrounded me

crept its way to my core


I try to move towards it

placing one foot in front of the other

but it is too late

ice spills out onto the floor

freezing me in this dreadful spot

in the shabby room


the soft ruffle of fluttering curtains

turns my head toward the cracked window

a chilly breeze rushes past me

chilling the tip of my nose

and sending shivers down my spine


there is nothing I can do


gone is the glow of the candle

miniscule as it was

it was my salvation

my escape from this world


the space between me and the sky

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the space between me and the sky

is dark

though I’m not sure why


the darkness consumes me

with each breath I take

constricting my throat

drying it

it feels like I’m going

days without water


it wasn’t always like this

the space between me and the sky

used to be bright


full of color


full of life


at least until the rain clouds came

they won’t go away

and so I sit here

alone in the dark


staring at the space between me and the sky