darkness

you knocked (a December chill)

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you knocked
faintly on my door
whispering truths that would be lies
between the cracks
in the wood
truths with no bounds
you fumbled on the lock
trying again and again
the key that used to work
it was the only key
until your façade began to fade
reverting back to the negative
which cannot be hidden in the darkness
your secrets unbound all at once
a door slammed shut on your face
bolted down
the knocks grew louder
as my heart throbbed it fought
wanting to find a place for you
but my mind
told me it was a trick
just some silly street magic
so I blocked it out
for as long as possible
until my heart gave way
and I found the strength to open the door
but you were gone
and left in your place
was the bitter cold
a December chill

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the sun is hidden – a haiku

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the sun is hidden

behind full darkening clouds

distant thunder rolls

 

rain falls heavily

splashing puddles grow larger

the sky is now black

 

trees sway in the breeze

a limb scratches my window

a ghost of the past

 

will the darkness end?

will the sun ever come back out?

I long for its warmth

it wasn’t the fall

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it wasn’t the fall

that caused my spine to shiver

a numbness so cold

even the summer sun

no longer radiated its warmth on my skin

 

the longing ache in the pit of my stomach grew

spread through my limbs

tingling the tips of my fingers

knocked my worn sneakers off the hard clay

and threw me on to the cold ground

 

the day you left was the end

a flame was extinguished

that can never be rekindled

each day the darkness grows

ink slowly blotting over me

 

I long for the day the sun rises again

but an unsettling fear grows stronger each day

as I trample through the rubble that has become my life

love has disappeared

and it has taken with it even the stars

words are falling from the sky

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words are falling from the sky

like rain

 

love lands on an umbrella

drizzling slowly off the edge

as if falling apart

 

darkness falls all the way to the ground

splashing on the asphalt

a surface that can’t absorb it

 

empty pools on he bench next to me

its letters scattering in all directions

unable to run off

 

happy sits on a horizon

colorful as the rainbow in the distance

far enough away to hold onto

 

the hope that hits my hand

and trickles down slowly

reminding me that I’m here

the harsh yellow light radiating from the lamp

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the harsh yellow light radiating from the lamp

does nothing to help me find my way along the gravel lined road I walk

 

the faint outline of a body visible to my left

I reach out for the friend walking beside me

my hand fumbles through the darkness

searching through the pitch black air for the warmth of a hand to hold

all it finds is my shadow

my hand drops heavily to my side as I stumble on

 

a gust of wind blows through

pushing me along what I hope is still the street

 

the light flickers

goes out

 

a thought lingers in the back of my mind

trickles along my nerves

telling me I should stop

give up

but I can’t

 

I must continue down this road

searching for another light

to show me the way home

beyond the hills

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beyond the hills

is a collection of forgotten memories

coasting along as the hills roll

plummeting into the depth of a valley

some mingle on the horizon

just out of my grasp

 

I try to reach them

try to hold on to these parts of my life that have become so distant

they are mostly small moments

from my childhood

moments that helped shape me

helped define who I am

 

I do not know why this happens

just that no matter what horizon I face

they are always there

I move

some times quickly

other times slowly

but they move with me

we remain joined as one

 

each night when the sun sets

it takes with it these forgotten memories

and when the darkness over takes the sky

I have nothing left but the thought that they will be back in the morning

helping me to be the person they intended